Sylvia Plath wrote, "I felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo." I revisited that gem last week, as I was gorging myself on books rather than packing them up for a yard sale as I'd promised. I don't think I've ever heard depression described more elegantly or more accurately.
For me the storm is my marriage, my dishes, my kids, my laundry, my (once-thriving-now-nearly-forgotten) career...what's for dinner? How long will it be until my husband and I have officially been in counseling for HALF of our marriage? Can I afford to have my carpet shampooed rather than scrubbing it on my hands and knees AGAIN? Where did all these toys come from? Am I actually considering medication for my 5 year old son? Can I squeeze $15 out of the grocery budget for sushi this week?
This is the...debris my particular storm throws about. And, just like an actual tornado, there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which parts of my life it will leave intact, which it will flatten.
I wonder, does the eye of the tornado steer the storm, or is it steered by the storm?
April Snow Brings May Slow, But I Keep On Fighting
9 months ago
I'm so glad you reminded me of this Sylvia Plath quote...It made me feel better during college, but I had forgotten about it til now. Your blog is such a comfort to me.. People that have never been to these dark places have no idea what it's like.. my own mother still does not accept the fact that I have depression. Thanks for being a touchstone in the storm.
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant.
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The book, I Had a Black Dog, is wonderful. I haven't seen the new one, but hope to soon.
Well, pardon the limited scope of words, but I venture the opinion that neither eye nor storm are steered at all.
ReplyDeleteAlthough we appreciate the zen-like poeticism of the question!
Your writing is engaging.