Preemptive Pain

Last week found me in my absolute least favorite place in the world - the dentist's chair. There are a number of things I learned from this experience: Nitrous is not nearly as fun as it used to be, I really should floss, lying down on my back with my mouth open while an old guy hovers above me is just way to submissive for my liking, and there is value in preemptive pain.

So first the nitrous. It wasn't that long ago that I actually looked forward to at least that portion of a visit to the chair - took me back to my younger youth. Memories of buying a dozen cans of whipped cream and a chocolate bar come to mind...only I was much more relaxed then. Now, the internal dialogue goes something like this: "okay so the thing's on my nose...do you think that's just oxygen or did they start the nitrous yet? I hope they didn't start the nitrous yet because I'm still really tense and if they did start it its not on high enough. Oh - okay, a little floaty. But still pretty tense. Maybe I should ask them to turn it up? If I ask them to turn it up will they think I'm a drug addict? Maybe, but if I don't ask them to turn it up then I've squandered my one opportunity this year for whipits. Wow so does that mean I am a drug addict? oh shut up and just listen to the muzac." This disappointing experience was followed by 2 days of vague headaches and somehow getting carsick while I'm driving.

I think the flossing is self-explanatory.

Okay, the creepy submission thing. First let me say that it took 20 years but I did find a dentist I actually like. But still - you're lying there, you have to be perfectly still for fear that if you flinch that drill will somehow slip and permanently disfigure you, you have to choose between keeping your eyes open (which means seeing the creepy magnifying glasses the dentist wears, which always remind me of something out of A Clockwork Orange) and closing your eyes which, let's face it, is even more submissive. You're on your back, there's a spotlight shining on your face, and I have a sneaking suspicion that both the dentist and the hygienist are making judgments about your personal hygiene. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. Frankly, childbirth is more dignified.

Then there's the shot. One of the reasons I like my dentist is that he takes a cotton swab and numbs my gum before he gives me the Novocaine shot (my last dentist insisted this was only done for children). Of course the shot still hurts, but not as much and you know that in the long run you're avoiding greater pain.

I do this in life. I pick an irrelevant fight with my sister to avoid the heavier topics we should address. If I sense my husband getting annoyed with me, I find a reason to get pissed at him first. And I occasionally push friends away when they get a little too close to whatever tender spot I've been hiding lately. These are all little shots of Novocaine for my psyche - but since the hard work isn't being done (I'm not the 'drill baby drill' type) the problems continue to build. Its like putting on a crown without performing the root canal first.