Lunch with professionals

Surprisingly, I'm not talking about my therapist (though, she could definitely afford to take me out to lunch once in awhile...)



Today I had the bittersweet pleasure of lunch with my former boss and coworker. I say bittersweet because I love these women. They are intelligent, upbeat, informed women who give back to their communities - they are precisely the kind of people I choose surround myself with when given a choice. Unfortunately they bring to the surface the dichotomy that is me: career Jeanine and mommy Jeanine are still not the same person, still not capable of peaceful coexistence. Its like I have to kill one in order for the other to thrive...



This duality was strangely easier to live with when I worked "outside the home" (awful, awful phrase). Take off one hat, put on another...I never really felt the need to dip into the resources of one to tackle the challenges of the other. Different roles, different people. Simple. The only time they bumped into each other was at the occasional holiday party or company picnic.



When I finally made the gut-wrenching, pride-swallowing, almost martyr-making decision to stay at home, I imagined myself tackling it like a new job. I bought calendars, scheduled my days (with an infant! woman plans: infant laughs.) I signed up for story time at the library, classes at the Y. I had learned from my professional life that I require a certain...framework, I guess...in order to excel. A system. And in my professional life that system served me well . Why has is failed me so miserably at home?

I think it might be because I'm Lisa Simpson.

I'm thinking of a particular clip where she's begging her teacher "judge me! evaluate me! please!" There's no eval time in the life of a stay-at-home-Mom (awful, awful phrase...) Well, there's the judgemental husband that begins his family time with a look around the living room and a "so...what did you DO all day?" - but that doesn't really count. He really doesn't know what you've done all day. And that's a post in itself...

But a good boss...geez I miss that. Which is strange - people say "so what do you miss most about work" and i think "having a boss"...but a good boss is a cheerleader, is invested in your success because your success means their success. They encourage you, they challenge you, they may even bribe you from time to time if necessary...and even when they're critical, you know its because they want you to succeed. Its not because they're passive-aggressive and pissed off that you drank a bottle of wine and stayed up on Facebook until 2:00am...again...but I digress...

Point is, I think I may be in the market for a Mommy Mentor. Any takers?

Oh - and stay tuned for future "so what did you do all day" post, apparently congealing as we speak...