Lonliness fights dirty

Loneliness is a mean bastard, and he fights dirty.
There's the surprise attack - when you're in a crowded mall or at a hoppin' party, surrounded by people and suddenly BAM - kick in the gut, you realize you feel utterly, entirely alone. You look around at the sea of faces and feel disconnected from each & every one of them. You can think of nothing save the need for oxygen and sustenance that you could possibly have in common with these people. You're the alien in the crowded room, and therefore lonely in a crowd.
There's the lonely-with-your-kids moments, when you're just dying for an adult conversation. These are the moments that led me to watch CNN 24-hours/day straight for 2 1/2 years. You just want to hear another grown up talk about something other than poop or the Blues Clues guy. This particular brand of loneliness - BONUS - comes with guilt as well, as you will no doubt feel awful for not enjoying your children's company enough. Never enough.
Tonight I'm wrangling with the worst kind of loneliness: the self-induced state of loneliness. I was seeking solitude, I went to great lengths to find it. I inconvenienced some people, and just plain hurt others - all in search of my solitude. Now I have it - and I'm lonely.
Mean bastard.