A book I'm reading right now about depression (review to come) says that its not our emotions that are a problem so much as our reactions to our emotions. The authors go into great detail explaining why this is and how it came to be, and I am confident I will only screw it up if I attempt to address it here. So let's just take for granted that they're right. I believe it, anyway... You ever have a day where things are going really well, and all day long you're waiting for the other shoe to drop? "What's going to go wrong?" you ask yourself, "will I lose it on one of the kids or will the dog tear the sofa up? Will I burn dinner, or get in a fight with my husband?" You just know SOMETHING will go wrong. You're a sitting duck, just waiting for it.
And waiting for it, of course, ruins your day. Self-fulfilling prophecy and whatnot. When you look for a terrible time you can usually find one, that's just sort of how it works. Your emotion may be one of happiness or content, but your reaction to that emotion is dread...and you sabotage yourself.
So I've been giving that alot of thought lately, and trying to consciously separate my emotions from my reactions to them. I think I'm a pretty self-aware girl (a self-absorbed one, anyway) but I gotta tell you it is hard, this constant awareness. Of course I've tried before to focus on being more "present", living in the moment, etc. But not so pointedly I guess. Not with a specific intention such as "notice what emotion you're feeling, and then notice, separately, what you're thinking about that emotion. Then take it a step further and challenge your thinking on that emotion. Oh, and do all of this while watching your two kids plus two more and taking care of the house and job-hunting all day." My emotion about this prospect is one of overwhelming...overwhelmness. And my thoughts about that emotion are that it is completely appropriate.
But try I did and you know what? I had a pretty good day. I was happy with my Done List 'round about lunchtime, but still motivated to add to it. I only lost my temper with my son once (that's good for me, in case you don't know me that well) and somehow it didn't set a pattern for the entire day like it usually does. I had a less-than-pleasant conversation with my spouse, but when the conversation was over I was surprisingly able to let it go. Apparently its not even necessary to change either your emotions or your reactions to them, just questioning those reactions can give you the space to have a really good day.
April Snow Brings May Slow, But I Keep On Fighting
10 months ago
Another great post. It's funny when you say how you "wait for the other shoe to drop". That's how each day is for me. Things are going good some days, and I just am waiting for that one incident that will mess it up. I am ususally the one that does that, like I'm just lying in wait for my next problem to come along. If it doesn't happen; by damn, I will hunt it down. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes, I don't think it's my fault, entirely. Like if someone always expects the worst of you, they are going to find it. And there in lies the rub.
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