hi i'll be your psycho-girlfriend this evening...

So i try to keep up with this Depression issue. Read the studies (and by studies i mean blogs referencing studies)...keep my finger on the pulse, so to speak. And i've heard talk of paranoia rearing its ugly head, conveniently allowing me to feel a little LESS fucked up than some folks out there...
Then tonight: paranoia, albeit totally understandable paranoia. (that makes sense in my head! cause i'm nuts!)
Without betraying the juicy details i'm saving for my memoir, today my guy went golfing with my soon-to-be-ex-husband (its SO much cheaper to just keep calling him that). Trust me, the nuance with which this particular Three's Company storyline materialized is not that interesting. Suffice it to say, it just...is.
Now we all get along amazingly well and spend probably an inordinate amount of time together. And I won't comment on that except to say that it has by and large eliminated the "loyalty complex" that often plagues sons when hanging with mom's new beau, so its a good thing.
This afternoon, I snapped. I learned that despite my best efforts to be the uber-cool laid-back girlfriend i like to think of myself as, there is, in fact, a tiny little psycho inside of me.
At 2:00 i hoped they were all getting along well. At 3:00 i wondered what they could possibly be talking about? By 4:00 i wondered how much beer was involved, and by 5:00 i was pretty well convinced than my guy had learned some here-to-fore unrealized truth about me that set him running to the hills.
Now, I could've been talked down at this point, so i texted no less than 7 of my best friends in hopes of a distraction conversation. life, and my timing, being what they are...i got a few wholly-appreciated responses that none the less only managed to distract my spiraling mind for a few moments.
The imaginary conversations gelling in my head were of mythic, if Seinfeldian, proportions.
All is well. Man is home and happy for it, having had a fun day but missed me. Truly the best one could hope for from such an afternoon.
I am doing my "look in from outside dance" and spending copious amounts of time on WebMD and AOL Health. Stumbled across this golden nugget: "Depression and Paranoia may appear together. When they do, they are often signs of serious psychotic illness such as Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder (also called manic depression) or psychotic depression."
eh....fuck it. Pretty sure it'll be fine. In any case, i'll look further back to find some time-tested wisdom (a generation, anyway). From the Desiderata: "Don't trouble yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born from fatigue and loneliness."